Spider-man 3: Birth of Emo Spidey

Suffice it to say, I was not thrilled with the Spider-man franchise based on the last two films. But a friend talked me into seeing the new film. I tried to go in with an open mind, almost with some sort of expectation. I thought it would be at least watchable. I really liked the idea of Venom as a villain, despite Topher Grace’s horrible dye job. The whole parasite/alien host thing is kinda scary. And there was potential here for the film to go darker, instead being chocked full of cheesy dialogue like in the other films. Plus, Thomas Haden Church is a great comedic actor, so I was curious to see him out of his element.

Let me tell ya, this movie was boring and every character freaking cried! Check out Pajiba for better plot ideas (esp. from Pyd). I don’t know who approved this script, but it really takes the cake. One villain is dispatched (temporarily), then another one magically pops up. Can’t Spider-man at least dispatch one villain for reals?

I felt like the screenwriters needed some sort of gps locator to figure out where this story was supposed to go next. It’s like they couldn’t decide whether to go darker (i.e. left) or cheesier (i.e. right). And Kirsten Drunkst sings! Three times!!! This comic wasn’t written to become some cheap musical.

I did like Venom, but when Tobey Maguire turned into his alter-ego, he was the spitting image of Bright Eyes. I mean, he did have eyeliner on for crisssakes. And what was with James Franco’s weird dialogue and smirking. I didn’t know whether we were supposed be afraid or laugh during several scenes. They tried to do too much in one movie. Didn’t you learn anything from Pirates 2? I guess they did, America will pay to watch anything. 148 million in 3 days. I still can’t believe it.

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1. ‘Spiderman 3′ Emerges